#3. The Adventures of Ashlee and Laura #1: So close, yet so far...

How much time have you spent contemplating the idea of time travel? Not enough you say? Well then put on your imagination hats, if you will, and envision a reality where theoretical physicists have theoretically solved the complexities of time travel. Take that, this reality’s Albert Einstein.

Laura and Ashlee arrive at work one Monday morning and unable to bear the full brunt of a 5-day work week, they desperately place an Amazon order for the new Toshiba Time Machine 5000 Super Deluxe with oiled bronze accents. A large box is wheeled into their office by 2pm that same day because there are some benefits of capitalism. There are no English instructions included, but setup is still a breeze because it turns out that Laura is fluent in Mandarin, much to the 惊喜 (surprise) of Ashlee. They rush to change as they’ve wisely ordered the kit that includes time traveler suits (they even have pockets!). They hop aboard the cylindrical capsule, quickly admiring its oiled bronze accents (good choice, very sophisticated), and crank the time dilation dial to Friday afternoon. The machine rumbles to life, a high pitched ringing gets louder and louder until it quickly diminishes and the rumbling subsides. They have arrived in the future, successful time travelers and quite deserving of an immediate weekend.

With “Affairs of State and Heart” (the third installment of a middling political romance series called “The Double Life of Senator Nigel Goodlooking”) and a particular vintage of pinot noir on her mind, Ashlee flings open the hatch.

Confusingly, they’re greeted by… nothing. More specifically, the nothing that looks an awful lot like the piercing black void of space. Before they can say anything, they realize the air has been forced out of their lungs as hypoxia sets in. Their eyelids slowly drop as consciousness starts to slip from their grasp. Before they are shut forever, Ashlee sees a final glimpse of Laura and wonders if she really spoke Mandarin as well as she claimed.

Our would-be time mavens drift peacefully into a deep slumber, which is great news for them, because this is the point where the liquids in their bodies start to boil, gas bubbles form in their veins causing swelling underneath the skin and… Well, you get the idea.

So what happened here? In their hurry to celebrate TGIF, Laura and Ashlee made the rookie mistake of not taking into account the movement of the Earth through space. Not only is the Earth rotating on its axis and orbiting around the Sun, but the Sun is orbiting around the center of the Milky Way Galaxy, and the Milky Way Galaxy is hurtling further and further into the depths of space. This means that Laura and Ashlee’s office is nowhere near where they left it. How far away is it you wonder? Approximately 278 million kilometers or roughly twice the distance between the Earth and the Sun. So the first step to successful time travel isn't just figuring out how to move forward in time—it’s figuring out how to travel hundreds of millions of kilometers through space to return to the exact spot you left.

Now, was that whole hypothetical really necessary to explain that fascinating fact? I think yes.